


Our World in Colour

by LillithEvans



Category: I.O.I (Band), NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: F/M, I don't really know all the characters yet - but as usual - most of them should rear their heads, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 23:13:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15592890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillithEvans/pseuds/LillithEvans
Summary: All Kang Dongho wanted was to raise his sunflowers, ride his horses, and go to bed at night proud of the work he's done to make his father's farm the largest producer of organic oil in the country.Instead, his life (and his farm) revolves around stupid Instagram tourists. "Are you okay?"All Lee Daehwi wanted was to make a name for himself outside the pools of money in his trust fund.So far - his only notable accomplishment is making this otherwise grumpy farmer laugh at him by sitting in what appears to be a pile of horse shit. "Do Ilookfine to you?!"





	Our World in Colour

****“Are you sure, Daehwi? Are you absolutely sure?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course, I’m sure hyung. I’ve been sure since I was old enough to realize I wasn’t like – everyone else.” Daehwi lets out a breath, leaning back into his chair at one more of Seoul’s countless non-descript hipster cafés that have sprung up in Jongno.

This one comes courtesy of Kim Jaehwan, the man across from him who is twiddling his fingers against the deep-set grey of the concrete tables. “Daehwi – you know that’s not what I mean – I feel like – just doing it – “

“Look – are you with me or not?” Daehwi shakes his head, eyes shut tight as he looks at Jaehwan with his heart in his throat. “I came to you because I trust you, hyung and I – I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

It’s not fair to manipulate Kim Jaehwan but he’s been doing that for the past few years. “Daehwi –“

“I need you.” Jaehwan’s eyes shoot up from the table to meet his. “I want you there, hyung. Please.”

When Jaehwan offers him the smallest of nods with his tuft of black hair bobbing up and down, Daehwi feels at ease. “If that's what you need - then I'll be there. Happy Birthday Lee Daehwi-nim.” Jaehwan leans over the table to press a kiss to the crown of his silver head of hair.

He already feels weak enough that he had to ask Jaehwan to come with him. He knows he should be able to do this alone but Jaehwan has been with him every step of the way. Every cover, every night, every strategy he’s ever had to employ to hide who he really is from his parents has been hatched by the calculating yet adorable dumpling face in front of him.

And today when he’s going to come clean to them – he needs to know that Jaehwan’s right there beside him if things go horribly wrong. “Thank you, hyung.” He keeps his face clean of recessive action, shoulders held back by invisible threads of pressure. “Things will be okay, right?”

“Hey – do you know someone who’s more loved than Lee Daehwi in this entire universe?” Jaehwan jokes, seating himself back down. “You’ll be fine. You’ll be better than fine but even if you don’t tell them today – there’ll be another chance when it matters.”

Jaehwan’s not wrong. There’s no real reason to say it today. 

A birthday is a birthday – only holding the slightest bit more significance than any other ordinary day in the life of Lee Daehwi. Birthdays mean his 3.1 Phillip Lim bombers are upgraded to his favourite Dolce suit. Earl grey teas are transformed into lightly flavoured bowls of seaweed soup that most wouldn’t believe had been prepared by an Eastern European chef.

Most birthdays in his past have gone by with similar shows of pomp and extravagance but this birthday feels momentous.

He’s twenty, plus three and on the precipice of starting a future - a real future.

The idea of living a lie as he builds his life feels wrong. “It has to be today, hyung.”

“Then you know I’ll come. They weren’t expecting me – but for you – I’ll be there.”

“They love you hyung – they still love you.” 

Jaehwan lets out a breath, nervous energy feeding into his words as he cowers his face into his hands. “There’s only so long I can keep hiding, right?”

Daehwi shakes his head. “There’s only so long we should hide, hyung.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Daehwi-ya!” The moment he enters the private room at the back of the _L’Amitie_ , he’s accosted with his mother’s smiling face, arms pulling him away from Jaehwan who releases him with a forgiving hand. “Happy Birthday my son!”

He glances up at his mother with his heart in his throat. “Hi, mom.” To his surprise, she breaks into tears that are so out of context that he has no option but to laugh at the shorter woman tucked away in his arms. “What are you crying for?”

“It’s your birthday.” Ah, right. She does cry a little more on his birthday. Maybe it’s because she remembers that moment in her mind so clearly where the doctors told her that her baby may not make it -

Or maybe because she’s always been a shade more dramatic than him. “Mom, I’m right here – I’m fine. You don’t need to cry.” Her whimpers quiet as he rocks her from side to side like a child.

Jaehwan gives him a look, walking away to greet his parents who are standing by Daehwi's father. “Every day you get a little farther, Daehwi-ah.” He stills as his mother looks up at him from his arms. “Every year – you’re a little more yours and a little less mine.”

“Mom –“ His mumble is silenced by the press of her hands to the side of his face until it's brought down to the deep red of her painted lips. “Mom-“

“Come now – your aunts won’t let me keep you all to myself although I’d like to try.” She’s joking and on a normal day he would laugh – but all he can offer her is an unsettled nod as fear makes itself the weight of a ton at the foot of his stomach. “You brought Jaehwan.”

He tries to keep his voice level as his mother looks at him for an explanation he isn’t able to put into words just yet. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is – his parents are here, aren’t they? Everyone’s here, Daehwi-ah. Everyone who loves you.”

Right.

Everyone he grew up with is here.

Every family that’s helped build his father’s fledgling convenience business into a worldwide chain.

‘ _Day 2_ ’ started out as a way for his father to walk away from the corporate life that had bored him day in and day out as an accountant.

Years later, it’s transformed into the livelihood of everyone in this room. It's the reason he has the liberty to do whatever it is he wants, the ability to not count dollars and cents the way they had to.

For now, his quest for ‘who he is’ has been a shamble of a mess and he knows they’re expecting him to get bored of whatever it is he wants because the reality is that he doesn't even know what he wants.

He has a business degree (to appease his father), a shamble of a clothing business that’s limited to the experimental wardrobe of his favourite cousin (to appease his creative spirit), and the odd singing gig here and there that comes along with being the prodigal son of Korea’s ‘new money’ generation (to appease his soul).

“Daehwi!” Somi squeals running to him from across the room, followed by her mother and father. “I see you brought the Dolce out –“

“Only the best for our Daehwi’s birthday.” Her mother and his aunt announces, pressing a kiss to his temple as he smiles. “Honestly – Daehwi – I wish you’d design for men. I think you have real potential there.”

“Imo  – I swear if I ever do start designing for men. You’ll be the first to know.” He bows his head as he winks at Somi. “Besides, if I switched over full time to men’s stuff who’d dress your daughter?” Somi coos for him, twirling the large red skirt stitched over top the billowed sleeve asymmetrical blouse that serves to make her collar bone the real star of his birthday party. “Nice choice.”

Somi’s painted red lips blow a kiss his way. “You were always partial to red.” He catches it in the air and presses it to his chest, shaking his head side to side. “Happy Birthday, my love.”

“That’s the prayer.” He watches the mischievous light in her eyes dim down to a more hesitant sort of happiness as he spots his older cousin with his hands over his new bride’s waist coming into the restaurant's private room. “I’ll just go say hi to Sungwoon hyung –“

“The ghost makes an appearance from his honeymoon cave? Blasphemy.” 

Daehwi muffles his laughs behind his hands as he walks towards the constantly bowing couple who look relieved to be faced with someone junior enough that their backs can take a break. “Hyung! Hyungsu-nim! You two really look happy now that you’re finally married, huh? No more sneaking around - no more - ”

Sungwoon’s arms immediately come over his shoulders, knuckles twisted into his forehead as Sohye squeals and tries to save him. “Yeobo! Not on his birthday!”

“Too disrespectful in his age –“

“What – like you’re not enjoying married bliss? I swear that Instagram story-“

“That went up by mistake! And you’re too active on Instagram Daehwi-ah-“ Sohye pouts as she looks at Sungwoon’s reddening cheeks doused with equal parts pride and embarrassment. “Stop that!”

“Stop what? You looked like you’d enjoyed it –” Sungwoon expresses innocently, winks thrown Sohye’s way.

His new wife growls and looks to the ground to hide her own eyes from the laughing boys beside her. “Daehwi-ah, your hyung-nim is useless so do you have any advice for me today? Anything I should keep in mind for my first official family gathering?”

“Let me think about it –“ Daehwi hums under his breath, finger tapping against his chin. “Just support your husband, even if he sounds like an idiot – which he’s prone to doing- ouch ouch! Hyung-nim! It’s my birthday! You can’t hurt me –“

From across the room, Jaehwan’s eyes dart to his and the smile on Daehwi’s face falls as Jaehwan dashes back to his side. “Is everything okay?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t it be okay?” Sungwoon snorts as he brings an arm over Sohye’s waist. “Nice to see you Jaehwan – I thought you weren’t coming. You never come any more.”

“I never really feel invited anymore - it's why I didn't come to your wedding either.”

"You were invited - but you know our parents and how they'd feel  -" Sungwoon raises an eyebrow at Daehwi who keeps his lips sealed.

He needs to change the topic of discussion right away. There'll be time for emotional meltdowns later. “Ah – you're all coming to Jeju for the weekend right? I swear it’ll be more exciting than this.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Your friends are coming to that one too, right?” Sohye presses her arms over Daehwi’s waist and ruffles his hair. “Happy birthday to our cutest cousin.”

Sungwoon snorts. “Don’t let Somi hear you saying that – she’s always had a bit of a cute complex when it comes to Daehwi.”

“Hyung – that was ages ago – when we were younger –“ Daehwi laughs as he looks to where Somi’s obviously heard their older cousin and is giving Sungwoon the middle finger while laughing at something her dad is saying. 

Sohye snickers as she looks to Jaehwan, the only other person present who isn’t really part of their family. “Is there someone who’s more loved than Lee Daehwi in this world?”

As Jaehwan looks at him, Daehwi feels the need to look away laughing under his breath.

He knows Jaehwan is just trying to assure him but right now he’s too nervous. They take their seats by the long dark wood table and almost instantly the food pours out of the kitchens. There's trays of escargot doused in herbs and butter, a cheesy chicken crepe dish that reminds him more of a quesadilla than a French dish – and it’s when the main courses of lamb, swordfish and Cornish hen makes the rounds that people start their speeches.

His father’s older brother, Sungwoon’s father, goes first. His Keun-appa gives him a sweet drunken smile, wine glass tilted just a little too far. “Daehwi-ya! Don’t lose that spark of determination in your blood – it comes from your father!”

“I disagree –“ Somi’s mother informs him as she looks straight at Daehwi’s mother. “It’s obviously from my sister who did an excellent job supporting your brother’s every indulgence-“

“That indulgence is what’s given us all the life we call ours today. To my brother and Daehwi!” Sungwoon’s father’s every cheer usually ends up supporting his brother and Daehwi understands why as he looks at his father from across the table. He’s sacrificed a lot.

And today – Daehwi’s sure he’s going to hurt him. He’s going to hurt both of his parents.

But if that’s what he needs to be honest with himself – then that’s what he’ll do because this is the only way they move on.

Otherwise, every birthday here on - he’ll have to live the same lie.

“Well, I’d like to say something about Daehwi, samchon.” Sungwoon laughs at Somi's subtle dig at his father, giving her a thumbs up as she stands up to clear her throat and clink her wine glass with her knife. “Daehwi – thank you for being born and being the person who encouraged me to take my own path in life – without you, I would never have been brave enough to give modelling a try.”

“Thank you, Somi.”  Somi looks like there’s something on the tip of her tongue so he nods towards her encouraging it.

She shakes her head.

He pushes back.

This continues for a few seconds until Sungwoon finally crows. “Somi – you’re still standing- out with your own news, you spotlight stealer -”

“Oppa!” She sighs shaking her head and looks to him one last time for permission before spilling her own secret. “I’d like to inform everyone here that I’ve been booked for a Shinhan bank job – it’s going to be nation-wide T.V., web, print, outdoor, everything! Jeon Somi is going worldwide!”

The group breaks out in claps and yells and cheers of celebration.

Daehwi feels his grin falter a little but he brings himself over to hug Somi. It's not that he's not happy for her. It's more that he's sure his speech won't bring about such a positive reaction from his audience.

This time when he sits back down, he squeezes in closer to Jaehwan instead of his mother. “I’m so proud of you Somi – it was only a matter of time.”

The table clambers onto other topics of discussion – the usual real estate, economy, war type of topics his uncles love, punctuated with a poignant observation or two from Somi’s mother.

As the chocolate mousse arrives on their plates – he knows he’s running out of time.

He must look more nervous now because he feels Jaehwan reach for his hand. The other man isn’t looking at him, choosing to instead laugh at something his own father's said about the Samsung CEO -

It’s the smallest way Jaehwan can encourage him without bulldozing him into a corner – and so Daehwi collects the small vestiges of courage in his heart and clears his throat. “Do you guys mind if I say something?”

Sohye claps along and Daehwi gives her a grateful look before turning his eyes to his parents. “I am a lucky child. Whether it was the nights I spent in Somi’s bedroom eating Imo’s handmade Yakgwa-“ His aunt beams in surprise. “Or being taught how to do my math problems by you, appa.” His father waves a weak hand in his direction, wrinkles of effort crinkled into his face. “I was lucky. I am lucky. I’m grateful too because everyone here has helped shape the person I am today. I know I’m not following a conventional path to success – but dad you didn’t either – and I’m so thankful for everything you all do for me but there’s just -”

His father’s face darkens a little as expected. His mother holds onto his other hand and nods along. “Of course – Daehwi – if that’s it –“

He feels his lips shake. Of course, none of them want him to actually say what they very well already know.

“Ah, I think Daehwi has a little more he’d like to say.” Jaehwan interrupts with a surprising amount of smoothness to his words. “Daehwi? You were saying?”

“Yes, yes – “ He mumbles mostly to himself as he tries to catch his thoughts in his mind. “I’ve thought a lot about how I’d like to live the next few years of my life and I’ve come up with honest. I want to live an honest life.”

“To an honest life!” Sungwoon’s father smiles at him.

He's sure Sungwoon's father won't be that happy for him if he's really honest about what he wants to say today.  

 

 

 

 

 

As a child it was easy – he never really bothered with that part of himself that knocked a little harder in the presence of large chested Hollywood heroes falling in love with small delicate Hollywood heroines.

It was far more important to study and make his parents proud and that’s exactly what he did - until his second year of high school when he finally made it to the soccer team.

The game was fun enough and he was a strong player but –

The change rooms solidified the fact that he wasn’t like every other boy in that room. They’d all discard items of clothing onto the floor, roam around naked and talk about the merits of sailing their faces in the busty chest of a cheerleader.

And all he'd feel was frustrated with himself for not being able to relate to them.

The thought that he should leave the team always entered his mind because soccer wasn't really a focus of his but somehow it never stayed too long because he enjoyed the game, he was a great mid-fielder and more than anything else –

He enjoyed hearing the praise of the team captain.

He didn’t do it on purpose – but eventually he started changing closer to him, standing beside him at practices, sharing water with him, working out plays with him –

And before he knew it – they were friends.

This was less than what he wanted because every conversation with the only just older boy reinforced what Daehwi had been forced to learn about himself when he joined the team.

The first real breakdown came at Jaehwan’s house, in his bedroom while everyone else in their group of family and friends was laughing around a BBQ.

His strength in the game, improving stamina and friendship with the team captain earned him a forward position as they made their way to the semi-finals within the Seoul teams. This show of favouritism served to make him a target for teasing.

So finally, he left the team because at the end of the day – he knew the only reason he was enjoying the game was because of the team captain and as wonderful as that friendship was – that’s all it would be.

It wasn’t worth being faced with constant ridicule.

 

 

 

“All my life, I’ve done my best to keep this part of myself a secret from you because – I didn’t want to hurt you.” He takes one more look around the room. “But I didn’t realize that keeping this from you was hurting me too.”

His mother looks scared. His father looks angry. His aunts look worried. His uncles look confused.

Sungwoon looks ashamed. Sohye looks concerned. Somi looks nervous.

Everyone looks selfish.

“All I want is to be honest with myself and those I love as I go into the next stage of my life – and I ask for your understanding –“

It’s quiet. Eerily so for a family that spends most of its time talking over itself.

He’s sure once he says his next words there won’t be quiet.

There’ll be yelling and screaming and tears and –

He’ll break everyone’s heart.

He looks to Jaehwan, who is smiling at him – nodding him along encouragingly.

He remembers Jaehwan’s own coming out because he was there when Jaehwan brought his partner, Sewoon, home. He’d had to watch in silent horror as both Jaehwan and Sewoon were pushed out of the door.

Even now – things aren’t great for Jaehwan. Sewoon’s presence is one that runs unacknowledged and his parents have withdrawn all monetary support.

Still, Jaehwan’s picking himself up off the ground. He’s building his own life and he’s happy.

So Daehwi’s sure if his parents decide to do that to him – he’ll figure it out. He’ll find his own way, the way his dad did.

“Eomma – appa – I thought a lot about how to say this to you. I know you may never see me the same way again but that’s something I’m okay with because your life hasn’t been about taking the easy way out. If I don’t tell you this – that’s exactly what I’ll be doing and I’m like you guys – I can’t do that. I’m stubborn and determined – and I just want to come clean -”

“Okay – is he going to say it or do I have to say it for him?” Somi mumbles under her breath and Daehwi’s surprised to see his aunt whack her daughter over the head.

He laughs. Somi's not wrong – he’s taking way too long. “I'm– “

It's just one word. One eensy weensy little - "Gay."

**Author's Note:**

> Lilli writes experimental slice of life bc she went to a farm.


End file.
